MONDAY – FEBRUARY 13TH: At the top of the list for today’s water-cooler talk within the office is without a doubt about last night’s Grammy’s and performances. For instance, did you catch the “Roman Holiday” performance by Nicki Minaj? WHAT THE —-! In fact, I think the Monday after every Grammy show we ought to have a recuperation day due to the fact that our “What Was That” face has not gone away. This week’s Monday toast goes out to those who are still in shock and have lost imperative hours of sleep. It’ll be alright…there’s always next year.

TUESDAY – FEBRUARY 14TH: Valentine’s Day as evolved into an occasion in which lovers express their affection for another. Whether it is by picking up flowers thirty minutes before seeing each other or by stuffing your face with overpriced chocolates, it is a day to display fondness towards another. I know the widely accepted definition illustrates in the direction of SOMEONE, but why can’t it also identify SOMETHING? For those in a romantic relationship can give cheers to one another, but I’ll give cheers to my beers…my significant other that has always been there for me. HAPPY VALENTINE’S DAY BEER, I LOVE YOU!

WEDNESDAY – FEBRUARY 15TH: The thrilling beverages of Molson, Labatt Blue, Crown Royal Whiskey, and Ice Wines are the inheritances of Canada’s finest. While our neighbors in Canada celebrate the day their maple leaf was planted on their flag, I’ll celebrate the day Canadian beer proudly planted the maple leaf on the bottle. So cheers to you Canada, your alcoholic taste preferences bewilder U.S.!

THURSDAY – FEBRUARY 16TH: On this day a French mathematician Pierre Bouguer was born, King Tut’s burial chamber was found, and Iceland’s first football team was established. Am I the only one who would rather give cheers to the fact that it’s Thursday and there is only one day left of the work week? That’s what I thought. So here’s to you Thursday…I’ve been waiting since Monday to see you!

FRIDAY – FEBRUARY 17TH: Feel like being the “Jukebox-Hero” for the night? Slip a dollar or ten in the machine and go with the Eagles’ provide the bar crowd with a great classic rock presentation, for on this day their Greatest Hits album was released. Make this week’s Friday be Eagle Friday!

SATURDAY – FEBRUARY 18TH: I’m not sure what’s bigger news, the discovery of Pluto or the birth of Eden Wood – model, singer, and successful beauty pageant queen. One thing I do know is that my bar conversations that night will most likely include me babbling on about how she has more money and Facebook friends in her 7 year existence than I will ever have in my life. The financial part I can get over, but Facebook? Isn’t there an age prohibit on these things?

SUNDAY – FEBRUARY 19TH: On this day Kansas became the first state to prohibit all alcoholic beverages. Why salute to a day that banned liquid extravagance? We don’t! But we raise our glasses in spite and get the last laugh for the failure of stopping the drinking class! If only the idea of working on Monday’s failed too…

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1.) THE INAUGURAL DRINK: Let’s face it… you’ve known what drink you wanted since your manager reminded you to attach coversheets on those TPS reports, but you must have not gotten the memo. And although anything sounds appealing at this time of day, for the sake of the others keep it as simple as possible and start off by ordering one or two pitchers of beer. If you do this you won’t have to worry about whatever everyone else wants and most likely the beer pitcher trend will carry out for the rest of the night. Just keep in mind not to be the last one who pours the last of the first pitcher, because being caught with an empty pitcher means you got to buy the next (that is the norm, right?).

2.) MINIMIZE THE OFFICE GOSSIP: Now that you have been served with 12 ounces of liquid indulgence, the time for office gossip has begun! Sure it’s an inconvenience the only thing you have in common is your occupation, but try to withdraw from office animosity as best as you can. After all, these are just your co-workers, not your best friends. You might walk into work the next day only to find a pink slip hung inside your locker. In fact, you’re better off being the bobble-head on this one and just agree with your office buddies.

3.) KNOW YOUR LIMIT: After a few cocktails you might naturally evolve into a blabbermouth, expressing your concerns with climate change (which you have no clue what you’re talking about), how you discovered a cure for dwarfism (you are not a scientist), or how you figured out a way to prevent oil spills (which you don’t). You also might feel inclined to tell Fred from across the hall that he is on the verge of getting fired (when in reality you just met Fred for the first time an hour ago). Why’d you say these things? Because you drank too much and now you’re wondering why nobody in the office wished you a happy birthday. Well, for starters they probably deleted you from Facebook. Nice going!

4.) OFFICE HAPPY HOUR IS NOT A ROMANTIC GETAWAY: DON’T DO IT!

5.) THE CASH-OUT PROCESS: Closing the tab can at times be awkward. Whether it be Tom from accounting who never has cash on him, or it’s that guy who didn’t follow tip #3 (who is now on the dance floor convinced he’s a velociraptoror). Whatever the case may be, all you can do is worry about yourself, so come prepared. After all, it’s not your fault you read this and your co-workers didn’t.

In honor of National Geographic’s list of the 10 Weirdest Life Forms of 2011 which has had us gasping in awe and revulsion all week long, we’ve decided to track down some of the weirdest bars out there!

Lucky Cheng’s, NYC

This East Village destionation pioneered the concept of drinks served by glamorous drag queens. Should you choose to stay for dinner, the Asian-American three-course meals come with a cabaret show featuring a bawdy comedian hostess and Asian dance performances by other drag queens. After the last show, karaoke and dancing for all.

Dick’s Last Resort, Dallas, TX

Here your drinks are served to the tune of RUDE. The Dick’s trick is that the wait staff earns their keep by being jerks to customers, and the patrons are encouraged to give them attitude right back. Though these sassy saloons can be found here and there around the country, we have a soft spot for the insults peppered with a Texan twang.  

Hobson’s Choice, San Francisco, CA

Victorian Punch House and home of three giant punch bowls (and sometimes more), this Haight street haunt was serving up deadly strong punches long before they were in style.  What makes this bar so odd is its mix of total dive bar meets Haight hippie, meets fancy Victorian punches.  Be sure to get there for happy hour, and you’ll know that Hobson’s Choice was the right one.

Otto’s Shrunken Head, NYC

By merely its name alone, Otto’s Shrunken Head, just has to be on the list of weirdest bars.  One step inside, however, confirms this venue as an odd one.  Glancing around you will see South Pacific decor complete with carved faces and grass skirts at every turn, including a “shrine to Tiki” composed of a multitude of, well, heads. Opened long before the resurgence of Tiki love, Otto’s has been serving up Mai-Thai’s in head-shaped vessels for over ten years.  Beware of having too many, though– they go straight to your head!