Running out of excuses to skip out on office happy hour? Or maybe you’re the one who finds yourself longing for drink therapy once the clock strikes the top of the hour. Whatever the case may be, eventually the time will come, and when that time comes it is important to know there are the do’s and do not’s when drinking with your cubical colleagues. So here are a few tips for getting tipsy with those you work with, you know…the ones that you hope get laid off before you.
1.) THE INAUGURAL DRINK: Let’s face it… you’ve known what drink you wanted since your manager reminded you to attach coversheets on those TPS reports, but you must have not gotten the memo. And although anything sounds appealing at this time of day, for the sake of the others keep it as simple as possible and start off by ordering one or two pitchers of beer. If you do this you won’t have to worry about whatever everyone else wants and most likely the beer pitcher trend will carry out for the rest of the night. Just keep in mind not to be the last one who pours the last of the first pitcher, because being caught with an empty pitcher means you got to buy the next (that is the norm, right?).
2.) MINIMIZE THE OFFICE GOSSIP: Now that you have been served with 12 ounces of liquid indulgence, the time for office gossip has begun! Sure it’s an inconvenience the only thing you have in common is your occupation, but try to withdraw from office animosity as best as you can. After all, these are just your co-workers, not your best friends. You might walk into work the next day only to find a pink slip hung inside your locker. In fact, you’re better off being the bobble-head on this one and just agree with your office buddies.
3.) KNOW YOUR LIMIT: After a few cocktails you might naturally evolve into a blabbermouth, expressing your concerns with climate change (which you have no clue what you’re talking about), how you discovered a cure for dwarfism (you are not a scientist), or how you figured out a way to prevent oil spills (which you don’t). You also might feel inclined to tell Fred from across the hall that he is on the verge of getting fired (when in reality you just met Fred for the first time an hour ago). Why’d you say these things? Because you drank too much and now you’re wondering why nobody in the office wished you a happy birthday. Well, for starters they probably deleted you from Facebook. Nice going!
4.) OFFICE HAPPY HOUR IS NOT A ROMANTIC GETAWAY: DON’T DO IT!
5.) THE CASH-OUT PROCESS: Closing the tab can at times be awkward. Whether it be Tom from accounting who never has cash on him, or it’s that guy who didn’t follow tip #3 (who is now on the dance floor convinced he’s a velociraptoror). Whatever the case may be, all you can do is worry about yourself, so come prepared. After all, it’s not your fault you read this and your co-workers didn’t.
